


Codependency

by flibbertygigget



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bipolar Disorder, Codependency, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5600662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has depression. Alexander is bipolar. Despite their issues, they keep living anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codependency

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly inspired by @fuckboyaham and their complaints about Lams. Sorry.

Were it not for the fact that Alexander absolutely refused to feed Banquo ("He's your emotional support turtle, John, not mine!"), John would not bother to get out of bed most days. There were times when he would muster the energy to take a shower, get dressed, and maybe go out for coffee but those days seemed few enough to discount completely, especially when the grey nothingness that stretched between them seemed to consume everything.

Alexander seemed to be his opposite. There would be days, sometimes weeks of feverish mania, of writing until he literally dropped at his desk, body pushed beyond all human limits. Those periods would end with the apartment in chaos, and Alexander would be left so drained that for a period of time he was almost as immobile as John. His magnificent brain would second-guess every keystroke he had made, and it wasn't uncommon for John to be forced from bed to retrieve his boyfriend from crying insensably from a misplaced comma. Volumes would be deleted on a dark, self-doubting whim, flawed beyond redemption by a run-on sentence.

Still, despite their issues, they kept living anyways. Between the two of t hem, they sold enough articles to cover the rent and groceries. John would sink ever deeper into the mire of his mind from once again domesticating his opinion, and Alexander would pull him out with hands and dick and tongue. Alexander would burn himself out like a falling star, and John would gently coax him into eating. Somehow they survived, day after day, week after week.

And, God, what they had wasn't safe or sane but it felt good. It felt so damned good just to feel again that John couldn't say no. He couldn't keep from clinging to Alexander like a parasite, leeching from his periods of frantic elation like a black hole, determined to destroy any light, any good that it found. But it had to be fine, because why else would Alexander stay?

Once, after another bout of frantic, half-painful sex that almost made him feel human, John had listened to the nonsense that Alexander perpetually mumbled. John knew that he shouldn't believe it, that Alexander was influenced by the post-sex haze in which happiness seemed possible, but John wanted it to be true so much it hurt, so much that he sometimes pretended that it was.

"I love you," Alexander had said.


End file.
